My Velvet Elvis Cried
The Victimization Of Helen
Home
Links
Bizarro Daddy
Elvis Lyrics
Love Me Tender
Aliens Among Us
The Victimization Of Helen
Detroit Gangstas vs. Alien Assassins
CLICK HERE TO PAY ZERO INCOME TAX!

velvet.gif

(Editor's note: Helen sounded extremely distraught over the phoneline and we are genuinely concerned for her. We hope to arrange an interview and offer any assistance possible. Helen, please call or email us so we can help.)

"I guess you could call me Helen. That's not my name and I don't want anyone to know my real name or where I'm from but I need to get my story our.

Not for me, it's too late for me but for you people who put our My Velvet Elvis and anyone who reads it. I'm cold, there's no door on this phone booth, that's not why I'm shivering. I've been shivering for a week or so 'cause I'm scared shitless. You should be scared too. I'ts not like I'm weird or anything. I'm nineteen a good student from a functional home and I used to think I was pretty much, well...pretty.

Anyway, I'm a sophomore at a rural branch campus of a well known state college (hint: Big Ten). About three months ago I started dating one of my freshmen profs on the sly. It was the greatest he was smart, suave, rich and we just screwed non- I mean non-stop, constantly.< file transfer interupted-Helen please get back in touch

UPDATE: HELEN'S BACK

Sorry, I just ran out of change, I'm calling from a truckstop where I've been kind of hiding out. There's always a truck I can sleep in and the guys always carry plenty of cash and ...well, I'd rather sleep with them than that freak anyway. Shit like I said all we did was do it 24/7...I think my mother would have rather seen me dead than seen some of the things he did to me (shit,"where,how...with what!"). Anyway I stayed at his house after the winter semester was over. The only time I didn't see Mal...shit, okay his name really is Malcolm...is when he's teaching or locked up in his study working on his computer. Almost eve4ryday he gets Fed Ex packages form some printing company in New England. He takes them into hsis study and comes out two hours later with some bullshit story that he does editing wotrk on the side, hey, I really didn't care. I didn;t care till f---ing Bambi that is!

Now this is weird. Picture this it is precisely 11:55AM (just winding up the showcase showdown on "The Price Is Right) and I am half asseep with a big cup of hazelnut java on the couch. Mal's been working on his package for about an hour and a half. My "package" was still sore from the slightly rough mornin' lovin'. Anyway, I'm trying to figure what "California emissions" are when the picture windoqw to the right of the TV just f---ing explodes!

Next instant a goddamned deer, I mean as big as a horse, lots of horns deer comes bouncing in circles around the living room and I am just xcreaming in terror. Well Mal comes out of his den like a shot and ...this was actually funny; he sees the deer and screams like a soprano! Well the deer doesn't think its funny though, 'cause he charges right into Mal, knocks him on the floor with a geadbutt, and stomps him to a freakin' pulp. Then this deer just stops, takes a deep snort and slowly looks up at me. Well I wasn't screaming no nmore. I literally couldn't breath and I was/t trying to. All I could feel was hot pee pouring out of me onto the couch. I knew I was going to die.

The deer looked at me for the logest time and never blinked. Then its mouth sort of puckered and I could swear it said to me...mind you, I didn't "see" it saying anything, but I could swear I heard it say in a real femine voice, "don't say a word. You didn't see anything. Leaver here and don't ever look back" Then the deer very gracefuly bounded out of teh broken picture window and I came out of shock. Bob f---ing Barker was just announcing the winner of the showcase showdown, can you belive that! Two minutes tops!

<continued below

Well, when I shapped out of it I jumped down to Mal and felt his bloddy face, he was dead as dead gets. But I couldn't cry, my face was too exhausted from screaming. Anyways, I called 911 and staggered around and found a robe to put on, then I noticed the door to his den was open. I don't know why but I wanted to look inside, like womhow he was still alive in there. I walk in, real gingerly, like he could really hear me. The Fed Ex bos is ipen on the floor next to his station, a real neat stack of pages with acetate covers stapled together is on his desk at oh, ten oclock. The computer screen is starring back at me in full color ewith a diagram surrounding a picture. I had to get closer to see the picture, then I recogized it as, like a woman getting screwed in some weird position. I swear to god my nose was like two inchees from the screen when it hit me. The chick getting severely abused was me? But the guy in the picture wasn't Malcolm!!

I mean, this wass me, on Mals' bed, two freakin' hours before only innstead of Mal there was this...I'm sorry I don't know what to call it. It wasn't evern a person...it was like this hairy looking ethnic type, f---ing bug guy! Yeh, it was like this big hairy f---ing lobster man. I swear to god I started to vomit, but I didn't. I tried to read the graphics scrolled around the left side and bottom of the raunchy picture, but it was like, not even the
English alphabert, let alone language. Then I looked down at teh stack of papers, same thing, mumbo-jumbo, couldn't make out heads or tails. Now I got intensely scared and angry at the same time. Then it all made sense...this f--0-ing sicko bastard was screing me to fill...like work orders. Then he doctores the pictures and probably ships them out on some internet!! God I wanted to kill him, then I remembered, he was already dead!

(Editors Note: At this point Helen's voice was shaking so severely that you could tell her whole body must be convulsing. She began sobbing which continued for over a minute, then the line went dead. About twenty minutes later she again call. This time she was far more collected)

I'm really sorry I lost it like that... I gueass I really shouldn't have called on the first place but I'm just afraid to tell this to anyone face to face. No one would ever believer it anyway and evenif they di, what would they do. Anyway, where was I...Let's see You know that Mal, the f---ing bastard has been screwing me, dubbing the pictures on his computerand doing whos knows what with them. A deer jumps through the window, kills him real dead and then tells me to keep my mouth shut. Yeah and like I'm not a totally phycho-freakinmg-chotic loony. I swear I think I am and yet the shit just gets freakier. I'b about ten minutes after I've called 911 when the door rings. Wh3en I open the door this big guy (must be at least 6'4"z) in very clean pressed black coveralls walks right in past me and kneels next to Mal. He had blond hair and pale skin but he never looked at me and I swear I can't recall a thing about his face. Anyway he puts his hand into Mals bloody shirty and he seemed to twist it right through Mals busted up ribcage. All the time his shaking his head and muttering "You've been very very bad. You've been a very badf man. You've been bvery, very bad." Kinda' like some retarded mantra, again and again. Well I'm frozen, I keep starinng at the door and the man in black tring to figure if I can dash out unnoticed. I'm just about to try when a secong guy in black coveralls steps through the broken picture windo frame. Number two is carrying a lare spun aluminum suitcase. Without evern regarding me he walks past number one into tyhe den anad goes straight fto tthe computer station.

Now number one totally grosses me out. His right arm, bured halfway to his elbow in Mals chest cranks a half turn counter cloclkwise. I hearrd a rather loud "pop" and lord if number one doesn't yank Mals heart right out of his chest. At this I tried so hard to scream but nothing would come out. Like on cue number two steps out of the den holding the suitcase open and freako puts the heart inside.

(At this point an automated operator breaks in requesting more change to continue. Helen throughs out some stream of consciousness swearing before continuing.)

Well I'm outta' change and I don't know iff I'll get to call you again but I've got to tell you this part. Number One starts talking to me as he wipes his hands on a rag, "We're very sorry about what Malcolm has done but you don't have to worry aboyut him anymore. Of course you won't tell anyone about any of this. In fact, nothing happened at all, he never existed and we were negver here. You see miss, this is an NSA matter now, so you can rest assured everything is Okey-dokey, hunky-dory. Of course if you spoke of this to anyone then you would become a National Security matterand yhou can rest assured you would be taken care of.: Then number one proceeds to tell me all of the details, beginning to end. How the Russians are involved, where the deer come in, Hanger 18...everything!

Listen, I've got to get out of here but I'll try to call back. I'm sure you think I'm crazy and I'mm sure thats why I'm alive today but what teh men in black didn't know and why I know I';m not crazy is this.

I've got the whole thing on f---ing tape! Not cassette baby, videotape...Mal had the whole place rigged for video and I've...

(At this point the line went dead. Please call us back Helen or if your reading this just click on this paragraph to email us. We want to help.)

copywrite 2001 my velvet elvis

click here for information on improving credit